Shrek: I'm gonna lose it! Artie: I assume you have everything ready for tonight? You did get the list for the dressing room? Donkey : Yeah, the breakfast croissants stuffed with seared sashimi tuna. Artie: He's a star, people! Hello? I'm so sorry about this, Mr. Īrtie: Don't you know who he thinks he is? How dare you! Shrek: Donkey, we're dealing with amateurs. Even if he wasn't at where I knew he was, that'd mean I'd really have to know where he wasn't. Do or do not know where he shouldn't probably be, if that indeed wasn't where he isn't. Prince Charming: So you do know where he is! Pinocchio: On the contrary, I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way with any amount of uncertainty that I undeniably. Prince Charming: You're telling me you don't know where Shrek is? Pinocchio: It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that I couldn't exactly not say that it is or isn't almost partially incorrect. Hmm, well, uh– I don't know where he's not. Rapunzel: But Pooky, you said you wouldn't hurt them. I hate dinner theater! Pinocchio: Me too. Gingy: Whew! This is worse than love letters. Shrek: I'm not here to eat him! Students and Teacher: Aww– Shrek: It's time to pack up your toothbrush and jammies. Donkey: Like the sauce? It's spicy!Īrthur Pendragon: Please, don't eat me. If it isn't Peter Pan! Boy's Mother: His name's not Peter! Captain Hook: Shut it, Wendy!ĭonkey: Wor-ces-ter-shiree? Now, that sounds fancy! Shrek : It's "Worcestershire". Shrek: I have something much more important in mind.Ĭaptain Hook: Well, well, well. Fiona: For what it's worth, you would have too. Shrek: See, what'd I tell ya? The kid's gonna make a great king. Fiona: What are you doing? Sleeping Beauty: Waiting to be rescued. Shrek: I know how it happened.ĭonkey: They grow up so fast. You see, when a man has certain feelings for a woman, a powerful urge sweeps over him. Shrek: Donkey: Shrek, are you okay? Shrek: Oh, I can't believe I'm gonna be a father! How did this happen? Puss in Boots: Allow me to explain. Shrek: Donkey? Donkey, wake up! "Donkey": Da-da. Snow White: Right! Ladies, assume the position! Fiona: Charming, let go of her! Prince Charming: But why would I want to do that? Rapunzel: Grrr! Prince Charming: Woof! Fiona: What? Prince Charming: Say hello to the new queen of Far Far Away! Cinderella: Yay! (Sorry.) Fiona: Rapunzel, how could you? Rapunzel: Jealous much?Īrthur "Artie" Pendragon: This is lame. "Rapunzel, Rapunzel!" "Let down thy golden extensions." Queen Lillian: Ladies, let go of your petty complaints and let's work together. Snow White: Well, maybe it just bothers you that I was voted fairest in the land! Rapunzel: You mean in that rigged election? Snow White: Oh, give me a break. Snow White: I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me! Sleeping Beauty: Everything's always about you, isn't it? It's not like your attitude is helping, Snow. What's to get?ĭoris: I know he's a jerk and everything but I gotta admit that Charming makes me hotter than July. Snow White: The cat turned into a little horse that smells like feet. So who will join me? Who wants to come out on top for once? Who wants their happily ever after?! Charming: Where's that first-born you were promised, hey? Mabel, remember how you couldn't get your little fat foot into that tiny glass slipper? Cinderella is in Far Far Away right now, eating bonbons, cavorting with every little last fairy-tale creature that has EVER done you wrong! Once upon a time, someone decided that we were the losers. ![]() need I say more? And you! Frumpy-pigskin. Puppet Master: I hate that little wooden puppet. Charming: And you! Your star puppet abandons the show to go and find his father. How does that feel? Evil Queen: Pretty unfair. And now here you are, hustling pool to get your next meal. Wicked Witch! The Seven Dwarfs saved Snow White and then what happened? Evil Queen: Oh, what's it to you? Charming: They left you the un-fairest of them all. Charming: You're right, oh, I mean you're absolutely right, but I mean, do any of us? Cyclops: Do a number on his face! Charming: No, no, wait, wait, wait! We are more alike than you think. And Fuzzy Navels for all my friends! Captain Hook: We're not your friends. What do you want, Charming? Charming: Oh not much, just a chance at redemption. Where's Doris, taking the night off? Mabel: She's not welcome here and neither are you. Dialogue Prince Charming: What does a Prince have to do to get a drink around here? Ah Mabel, why they call you an ugly stepsister I'll never know.
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